6 Lessons On How To Overcome Your Fear
Time to read: 10 minutes
Two days back from my vacation and I knew that I had to share this story with you.
It’s the story about how I overcame my fear – and what you can learn from that to overcome your own.
So, one thing you might not know about me is that I love heights and panoramic views. At the same time, I’m also very afraid of them.
Ever since I was a child, I would get vertigo when getting too close to a cliff or a steep hillside (especially if there was no railing or if the railing was made from glass).
Naturally, therefore, I was a little bit nervous when my boyfriend and I decided to go mountain hiking last week.
While on vacation in Madeira, we heard about this beautiful trail that takes you from one mountain top to the other. The pictures looked stunning and it was clear that we couldn’t miss out on it.
However, I’m not going to lie: I had a lot of respect for it and was not as cheery as my boyfriend (who couldn’t stop talking about it for two days). A few times, I even consid about skipping it after all and warned my boyfriend several times that, if it got too much, I would definitely turn around and gladly wait in the car for him to finish the 5 hour hike.
However, I did it. And I loved it.
It was absolutely gorgeous and fulfilling. The views were breathtaking, but even more so: I enjoyed the hike and the feeling of not letting my fear stop me.
This experience taught me 6 easy and natural, but important lessons when it comes to dealing with fear.
And you can apply them to any professional situation as well. Whether it’s about showing up online, pitching your business to potential investors, having a difficult conversation or sending that email that’s been waiting for you for days.
1. Your fear is going to lie to you. It’s not as bad as it may make it seem.
Most often, the fear of the thing you’re about to do is much worse than the thing itself. My nervousness was way worse for the two days before going on the trip, compared to during the trip itself.
It’s our fantasy that tricks us. The what ifs, uncertainty, and lack of fact-based information that can throw us off and make something seem more daring than it actually is.
Lesson to overcome your own fear:
Your fear will take things out of proportion and it’s on you to discipline it as far as possible. If you don’t know how to do that, find someone who can help you put things into perspective. Notice that I’m choosing the word “discipline”? Of course it’s helpful to understand where the fear is coming from and what’s beneath it. However, this doesn’t change that, at some point, you’ll have to take the lead and not let fear sit in the driver’s seat. This doesn’t mean that you won’t be nervous! But it’s one thing to be nervous. It’s an entirely different thing to allow yourself to spiral even further, envisioning all kinds of scenarios and what ifs.
2. Do your due diligence and come prepared.
In preparing for this hike, I read through several reviews on a hiking app so I knew what to expect. I knew that
- we would have to start the hike right after sunrise before the crowd would show up,
- most of the trail was secured and had railings,
- there would be many stairs and how much elevation to expect, and
- we’d have to bring enough snacks and water because there was nowhere to rest apart from the mountain tops themselves.
Also, we had gone on two slightly easier hikes in the same week that allowed me to warm up for the big finale.
Lesson to overcome your own fear:
In psychological terms, what I did was not only preparing for the hike on a practical level, but also mentally rehearsing it and desensitizing myself, two very powerful and effective strategies.
Thanks to the first two experiences that were similar but not as challenging, I had reduced the negative and strengthened the positive association with the upcoming challenge (desensitization). That’s why I was more confident, positive and cheerful compared to if it would have been the first hike (after a long time of not hiking at all). Also, thanks to my research I had pictured the trail in my mind several times and knew what to expect and what to do (mental rehearsal). Thanks to these two strategies, I knew what I would need to not only do, but also enjoy the challenge (lots of water, something refreshing to eat, etc.).
3. Focus on what’s right in front of you.
At one point of our hike, I realized that I had fallen into a somewhat meditative rhythm. I had become very present, focusing only on the steps that were directly in front of me. And with that, the path had gotten so much easier and more effortless. Without knowing it an hour had passed and we’d already finished a third of the distance.
In contrast to that, every time I stopped to look back or tried to estimate how much longer we’d have to go, it would instantly trigger my impatience. Suddenly, I was in my head again and, of course, still standing on the narrow part of the trail with the hillside right next to me, it didn’t take long until my fear reacted to that.
Lesson to overcome your own fear:
There’s a time for acting & executing and there’s a time for reassessing & reflecting on your actions. You can’t do both at the same time, though. While doing something, stay present and mindful of where you are right now and what’s in front of you. Focus on where you’re at right now and the next steps only. Don’t think about how far you’ve come or how far you’ve still got to go. Don’t judge your progress, don’t look back or try to estimate what’s coming. Be present and focus only on what’s right ahead of you. Soon, you’ll fall into a mindful state that will carry you forward, one step at a time.
4. Set your own pace.
Now, this may sound easier than it’s done, I know. It means you’ve got to know your own pace first and then stick to it. This is where staying present and focusing on what’s right in front of you will come handy: if you do this, you’ll find your rhythm naturally. However, the bigger challenge is to not get sidetracked by comparing yourself to others. Looking at who has surpassed you, who was behind you and now caught up with you, etc. will only cost you your focus and irritate or distract you.
Lesson to overcome your fear:
Focus on yourself and allow yourself to find your own pace. You’re not in a race against anyone, you’re here to achieve your goal, and that’s your only job. Too often, when we’re afraid of something, we start looking to other people, either to compare ourselves or to judge ourselves through their eyes (at least, with what we project onto them). However, in most cases this backfires. We start judging and doubting ourselves or we start rushing into things and start making more mistakes because of that. All of this doesn’t help an already nervous or anxious mind. Let others do their thing and mind your own business. I know, that’s not that easy, especially if you’re continuously bombarded with other people’s achievements, but it’s nonetheless true.
5. Check your safety needs.
Doing something despite your fear is not the same as just ignoring the risks and cluelessly diving into something. All positive thinking won’t change the fact that there might be real risks involved. For example, I know that I get dizzy and start swaying slightly if I look down a cliff – which is not completely risk-free now, is it? If I had been standing firmly before, this might make me lose my balance. So, I checked in advance: how can I stay focused? Is the trail secured? When do most people arrive which might lead to them rushing me? Also, my boyfriend and I usually have a bit of a faster pace, but I told him that I wouldn’t pass by others in places where the trail was either too steep or too narrow for me.
Lesson to overcome your own fear:
Make sure to check your needs and identify what would support and strengthen you at the time that you’re going for the challenging task. Do you need peace & quiet to feel more at ease? Then don’t have the uncomfortable conversation on the go or in public. Do you need a plan B or safety net to not feel cornered? Then set up a contingency plan that you can fall back on. Do you need someone to share your experience with? Then let someone you trust know about what you’re doing and ask for their support. Communicate your needs with whoever needs to know them. Also, don’t forget to set very clear boundaries in advance so you won’t have to argue about your needs when the time comes.
6. Most importantly, make it fun or find someone who can make it fun for you.
I’m going to be honest, I probably wouldn’t have gone on the hike if it hadn’t been for my boyfriend and his excitement. However, the way he talked about the hike and the anticipation he shared with me for days – it got me excited as well! He kept talking about how proud we’ll be of ourselves, how beautiful the views would be, and how fresh the air must be – it made me so much more aware of all the benefits of the trip. This went on until I knew that I would be so angry at myself if I would miss out on this shared experience. Not going was no longer an option.
Lesson to overcome your own fear:
Hype yourself up about the rewarding and pleasurable aspects of what you’re about to do. Fear will likely distort your view and have you focus only on the risks & uncomfortable aspects, but there’s a reason why you’re doing this. So what is it, what’s your why? What can you look forward to? What can you be proud of after having done it? Repeat those benefits in your head, until they become so tangible and undeniable that you’re no longer willing to lose out on them.
Also, if you can, get others on board who share your vision and/or will get excited with you! The easiest way to stay focused on what’s important and good is by having one person or a whole support network cheer you on and remind you of all the good things waiting for you on the other side of this challenge.
So, there you have it. Now I want to hear from you!
Which fear do you want to overcome? And which of these strategies will you use to do that?
Let’s continue the conversation over on Instagram or LinkedIn!
